


Wounded Memories

by PrinnPrick



Series: LeonCloud [9]
Category: Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, Final Fantasy VIII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Almost immediate smut, Amnesia, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dark Humor, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Final Fantasy VII world based but with minor modern changes (i.e. no potions or elixirs), Graphic Description of Injury, Happy Ending, Homosexuality, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Injury Recovery, Instant Connection, Leon/Squall has amensia, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Mention of Necrophilia, Quick Love, Sex, Smut, Some Fluff, Squall bottoms, Squall says them bad words and doesn't mind being a little gross, Starting Over, Strifehart, Switching Perspective, dirty humor, mention of graphic past violence, mention of murder, mention of self-harm, minor self-harm, mistaken memories, not quite instant relationship but still pretty fast
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:47:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22092796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinnPrick/pseuds/PrinnPrick
Summary: Cloud finds a young, homeless man after he's been assaulted by muggers. He could have taken the guy to a hospital, but they aren't known for being too kind to those who lack monetary value. While contemplating his options, the man opens his eyes and there's something in his gaze that has Cloud deciding right then and there to take the guy home.
Relationships: Cloud/Leon (Kingdom Hearts), Squall Leonhart/Cloud Strife
Series: LeonCloud [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1354441
Comments: 17
Kudos: 32





	1. The Man in Cloud's Apartment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will not have a sequel, but may have an epilogue. I'm also hoping this won't be a terribly long story. xD

He opened his eyes and peered upon a blank, white ceiling. For a moment, he thought he had finally gone blind in his left eye when all it met was darkness, but as he shifted minutely he could feel a bandage wrapped around his head, his torso, and something stiff tightly bound about his knee. He knew he was in a bed, and almost sighed at the comfort of warm sheets and a blanket. They felt almost foreign, it had been so long. Maybe it was his body protesting against moving after so many days without proper rest, but even the twitch of his finger felt like a herculean effort. The man wiggled his nose to try and dislodge the growing itch of blood crusted inside his nostrils, but only seemed to make it worse.

"... How are you feelin'?" Came a careful, low voice just as he realized there was another presence in the room. He jerked his eye over to the side of the bed as his head refused to move, but it turned out he didn't need to move much anyway. As he was addressed, the one he assumed had helped him was leaning over him to peer into his good eye.

"You're a little dazed," the new man said simply when he received no reply. His helper was blonde with bright, glass-blue eyes--a shade he wasn't familiar with but instantly appreciated. Their eyes met and the man above him flinched, though just barely--the movement so slight that it would have gone unnoticed by anyone else. He knew the blonde man had flinched not because of his injuries (those were covered), but because he, himself, could feel how hollow he was. He was certain he looked like a walking corpse at this point.

The blonde suddenly pulled the blanket away and the bedridden man felt a rush of cold that elicited goosebumps all across his body. He was naked, and from what little he could see he really was bandaged as he had assumed. Whoever this was had treated his wounds, and most likely threw his disgusting rags out. The gauze around his torso had been soaked and then dried until brown from blood, but not for long. The blonde had come prepared with new bandages and what looked to be antiseptic and a stitch kit. Without a word, the blonde began to unwrap his "patient" until whatever injuries about his chest and stomach were revealed.

"For a guy as broad as you are around the shoulders and chest," the blonde said casually as he poured medicine onto a clean strip of gauze, "you are very skinny. I'm assumin' you haven't had a meal in a while?"

No response. His mouth felt glued or clamped together. Had he hurt his jaw, too?

"I'm not much of a cook, but I've got enough left-over take-out to feed a small army." The blonde began to dab gently where he still bled. "I'll fix ya a big meal. Hope you like chicken."

He couldn't feel anything as the blonde pressed in the medicine, other than the pressure behind the man's fingers. He sighed to himself as he realized he must be numb, and that couldn't be a good sign. 

_Doesn't matter..._ He thought as he tried to lift his head to at least look at the damage.

Some of the cuts were old and possibly infected, but not terribly large at least. The main concern for now was not the fresh injury on his hip (it was a bruise anyway), but a particularly large, gruesome wound along his chest--a knife fight, maybe? It was mostly closed with little bits of white that almost looked like larvae, but as the blonde pulled each piece out as gently as possible (there was no way not to cause more bleeding) it was thankfully just old bandage bits that had been sealed in by the scabbing.

The itching around the man's eye under the bandage became too much, and even though his arm begged to stay down he had no choice but to lift it and scratch. 

"Don't," the blonde commanded gently as he pulled his hand away. "Don't scratch."

The man stopped for a few seconds, before he tried again--a little more vigorously. Again, the blonde pulled his hand away--ever so gently.

"I know it itches, but you'll have to deal with it... if only for a little bit. I'll change your bandage as soon as I finish stitching your chest." There was a needle and thread already in the blonde's hand. "Keep that hand down or I'll tie it to the bed, got it?"

 _He either moves very quickly, or my senses are a lot more dulled than I had realized._ He wanted to response with something witty, but all he could concentrate on at the moment was breathing. He let his arm fall limp when he no longer had the strength to hold it up either way. The blonde returned to examining and prepping the area just under his breast as the man himself turned slowly left and right to gaze about the room. Even that seemed like too much effort, but he was curious. They clearly weren't in a hospital and the blonde didn't seem like a nurse or a doctor. The room was... white, tan, and basic. There was a closet, the bed, a bedside table, and a bookshelf with hardly anything on it. Minimalist.

The blonde turned a quirked brow up at him every other time the needle breached his skin; probably because he didn't flinch or hiss. No reaction, even as he watched the blood bubble from another prick. When the blonde was finishing, he tugged the line just slightly to snip the end and still nothing. Once that was done, the blonde covered his work and secured it with tape before moving on to the rest of his torso. There was mostly silence, and the man found the blonde's hands oddly mesmerizing. He moved his fingers so fluidly; the blonde was clearly quite dexterous and familiar with small work. Their gazes caught again as the blonde finished with his body and moved to tend to his head.

"Who are you?" The blonde finally asked as he held the man's head up and gently unwrapped his eye.

Despite feeling no more energetic than he did just moments ago, he mustered up enough to say in a somewhat casual, almost playful tone, "Isn't it rude to ask for names without revealing your own first?" As he spoke, he tried to help turn his head to make removal a little easier, but apparently he only had strength for one action at a time.

"I apologize," the blonde replied after a moment. There was a tiny smirk playing about his lips, which were also a pretty color--like a Victorian or flowery sort of pink. "Name's Cloud. You?"

He moved to say _something_ , he should know the answer to that question easily, but nothing came out. It was like a wall had suddenly erected itself in place of the answer the moment he tried to recall what his moniker was. His brows involuntarily scrunched together in his confusion. "I don't... remember." He snorted and offered the blonde a crooked smile, as if suddenly knowing you had no clue who you were wasn't alarming. "Guess I forgot."

"It happens," Cloud said, as though it were a common occurrence. "You may not remember, but I used to work for SOL--Shinra. During my time there were a lot of Mako injections, Mako showers, and what I fondly call... Mako dunk tanks." The man could finally see Cloud with both his eyes, but his left was a little blurry. However, it still seemed to work so he counted it as a point in his favor. "They caused memory loss, mania, deformations, hallucinations..." Cloud stared straight into his eyes as he said with a sigh. "I can tell you were exposed to it."

"... How?"

"Your eyes glow."

"..."

"Ever since the fall of Shinra Corp. Mako injections have been outlawed, but I've heard it's been used on the street as a drug."

"... So, you think I may be a druggy?"

"Maybe, maybe not. If you are, you're new to it."

"Why take me in, then? This is your home, right?"

Cloud didn't answer. He just looked away and began to apply a purple gunk onto the wound over his eye. "This cut is deep, but small. Hopefully this paste is all we need rather than a stitch."

 _Whatever..._ He thought as he closed his eyes. The purple paste smelled like fruit, at least.

"I have to call you something..." Cloud bit his lip in thought. The blonde's teeth were white and straight, and the way he tugged on his lip felt almost worse than a deliberate tease. 

_This is not the time for getting a hard-on for a stranger, guy_ , the man thought to himself flatly. 

"Michael?"

"Pass."

"Akira?"

"No."

"Jeff?"

"Fuck no."

Cloud chuckled. It was soft and breathy. "Leonard?"

"..." Something about that name, even though it was said as a joke, stuck. He replayed it in his mind, but it wasn't quite right. Yet, close? He shrugged. "Leonard, then."

"What? No offense, but that's a terrible name."

"It sounds... familiar."

"Leonard does?"

"Yeah." The man shrugged again. "Maybe I knew someone with a mom who didn't like them." He laughed a little, but his chest wouldn't allow much air so it was more like a quick snort.

"I can't call you Leonard. I apologize to all the Leonards out there," Cloud laid the man's head down on the pillow now that he was done bandaging him. "Let's shorten it... How about Leon?"

"As good as almost any other name, I guess..."

"Leon, then."

'Leon' closed his eyes as his breathing became labored. Cloud leaned in close, but apparently didn't see the sudden loss of air as too alarming.

"Looks like you might'a tired yourself out with all the talkin'," Cloud said simply. "Seems like you haven't slept in a while, and all these injuries... I'm kinda surprised you're alive."

Leon didn't respond beyond a small nod of his head.

"Well, I'm not gonna make you get up and walk around. Concentrate on restin' as much as you can, but for now... Your knee. I think it may be broken."

Leon merely nodded again and slowly opened his eyes.

"I gotta realign it, but I'll admit... I don't have much experience. You may wanna wait until my friend Cid gets here. Right now," Cloud patted his hand against Leon's left knee very gently, "it's in a splint."

"Why didn't you," he breathed in deep, but it was getting more difficult, "just drop me off at the hospital...?"

"I don't trust doctors, and the hospital would have just tossed you out. No money, no help. Midgar hospitals are all about profit."

"How nice..."

"I know."

Cloud turned back to the knee, but other than making certain the splint was in tact had apparently decided to wait on Cid, whoever that was. He stood up and leaned over Leon with his hands on his hips. "You look about ready to pass out... Havin' trouble breathin'? Is it the bandages? They too tight?"

Leon shook his head. He was actually quite comfortable, though exhausted.

"Not to weird you out, but you're gonna need a bath at some point. You stink."

Leon rolled his eyes. _Gee, thanks._

"I did give you somethin' of a wash before I hauled you in here, but that was to clear out your wounds."

Leon did feel a lot less grimy than he had in... well, since he could remember. Yesterday, at least.

"Hungry at all?"

"Oh, wow..." Leon said, in a rather dazed sort of way. He looked up at Cloud, breathing gently through his mouth since his nose was still clogged. "You're strange..." It was almost a wheeze. "You didn't... have... have to do all this... but you did... Why? You seem the loner type to me... The kind to jump in a car... and just drive off."

Again, the blonde looked like he might try to dodge, but instead he crossed his arms and gave a one-shouldered shrug. "You needed help, and I guess my sense of justice is still in tact."

"It was... what I said, huh?" Leon gave another breathless laugh.

Cloud snorted. "Not too many people while bleedin' to death after an alley-way scrap can say 'Hey, cheer up. Could be worse', before passin' out, I admit..."

"My eyes, then...? The Mako?"

"Get some rest, weirdo," Cloud placed a hand over Leon's eyes to encourage him to close them. "I'll make you dinner later. Just sleep."

Leon gently moved Cloud's hand away, but held onto it rather than dropping it. "Thanks, no matter the reason... But I'll be right back to where I was when you're done with me."

"And where would that be?" Cloud asked quietly. "Back on the streets, getting into fights?" He openly appraised Leon's body. "You're still fit, despite your condition... but you're gonna get yourself killed."

"I deserve it. I've done much worse to other people..."

"No one deserves such punishment," Cloud said softly.

"You do when you're me," Leon replied simply and offered that crooked smile again.

Cloud didn't answer, but he looked ready to argue. Instead, he looked over the other's leg again, covered him back up with the blanket, and was even kind enough to fluff his pillow a little. "Let me know if you need anythin' like food, or water, or the need for the restroom."

"I'd like all three, but I can live." Leon replied in a dismissive, care-free tone. He took Cloud's wrist again, but kissed the skin just below Cloud's glove instead of giving it a squeeze. He let it go a second after and just caught the beginnings of a blush on the blonde before closing his eyes.

Cloud turned out the light and left the room. It took longer than Leon would have liked, but eventually he fell into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to all Leonards everywhere.


	2. The Worried Ones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leon has a bad mouth in this fic. xD He isn't afraid to get a little "descriptive".

Marlene had Tifa's hand tight in hers as they left the car and walked up the steps toward Cloud's home. There were garbage cans tossed carelessly on the side of the steps, the building appeared poorly maintained, and there was a crack in a wall where two rats ran in and out. Lower Midgar in general was often described as a suss bucket, especially down in the slums, but Cloud had chosen a particularly poor apartment to live in (for privacy purposes). The whole building was abandoned, and he liked making sure it continued to look that way (as if thugs lived there or it might collapse at any moment) so no one else would be tempted to live there or trespass. In truth, however, it was quite sturdy, the plumbing was safe, and the electrical system had been re-wired--all courtesy of Cloud himself. 

Despite that, Marlene hated it. There was a terrible smell coming from down the street where one of the many city dumps was burning garbage.

"... I wish he moved in with us instead." Marlene looked up at Tifa with a disgusted pout. "This place is yucky."

*****

Tifa chuckled gently at the young girl and squeezed her hand. "Don't worry. He will one day! He just likes it here for privacy."

Together, they walked up the steps to the door they knew was the one that housed Cloud. There were a few false doors and rooms to truly make the place feel abandoned, but this wasn't their first visit. Once they arrived Tifa knocked soundly on the right door.

A gruff voice greeted them instead of the blonde, "He's taking a shit. Give him a sec."

Marlene wrinkled her nose and jerked her head back. "Gee, that's a little too much information... Who's in there?" She asked as she peered up at Tifa again.

"I don't know," Tifa replied with deep suspicion in her voice and a crease in her brow. _But I intend to find out. If Cloud needed a room mate he could have just come with us... But why? He doesn't pay rent, he can easily afford food... Was he lonely? This doesn't make sense!_

There was shuffling heard on the other side; the locks were undone, and then the door finally opened. Cloud stood before them looking tired and disheveled, as if he had thrown on some clothes in a hurry.

That caused Tifa's frown to deepen.

"... Tifa. Marlene," he greeted neutrally.

Despite her new suspicions Tifa brightened upon seeing Cloud's face. "Didn't realize it was still morning, sleepy head! Can you let us is?" She asked sweetly as she discretely looked beyond the blonde's shoulder to try and see the stranger.

Cloud grunted in displeasure at the idea, but stood aside all the same with a sigh. "Just take your shoes off..."

Marlene slipped out of her slippers as she stepped inside, and Tifa carefully toed her tennis-shoes off. Cloud closed and locked the door behind them as Tifa took a gander about. The apartment was clean, and there wasn't a sign of the second voice.

"Did you know your trashcans are all over the place?" Marlene asked as she took Cloud's hand and stared up into his handsome face.

"The strays knock'em over," Cloud said as he shrugged.

"Who was it that, erm.... greeted us? Someone told us through the door that you were going to take a second." She looked down at the girl and chuckled as she dragged Cloud further into his own apartment. She followed after them more sedately.

Cloud didn't answer her; she gave the back of his head a flat look as they entered the living room where Marlene immediately plopped down on the couch.

"I like your place a lot--on the inside!" Marlene chirped happily. "Everything is so nice and neat! Boys are usually pretty messy, too." The young girl smiled at Cloud as he stood, like a guard, at the entrance to the hall near the couch. 

"I agree," Tifa said as she took a long glance around (still no signs of the other man). "When you first got here the paint was peeling, the plumbing was disgusting, and the electric was a fire waiting to happen--a total nightmare. You've worked really hard!"

"Thanks," the blonde replied without emotion. "... Tifa, why are you here?"

"Well, honestly, Marlene was getting impatient. You still don't answer many of your calls." She shook her head. "I came for that reason, and another..." She sighed. "I still want you to come live with us."

"I see," Cloud said as he turned toward the kitchen; on his way he pat Marlene's head. "Do you ladies want anythin'?"

"Oh oh! Chocolate milk!" Marlene clapped. "Um, if you have any..."

Cloud almost smiled, but nodded instead.

Tifa nearly jumped out of her skin as she suddenly heard coughing. Or was it gagging? She blinked and turned toward the hall that led to the bedroom. "Who else is here?"

"Not anyone of interest." Cloud came back with a carton of chocolate milk, which he handed to Marlene with a small, paper straw. "You were in luck. I had a sugar craving recently; I only have a few cartons left."

Marlene happily took her drink and began to sip, just before she turned to Tifa curiously.

Tifa was the one to ignore Cloud. She curled her hands into tight fists and immediately knew that if this was not an enemy it was someone Cloud was trying to hide... and she was sick of secrets. She made as if to walk toward the bedroom with scowl, but didn't get far as Cloud grasped her arm and held her in place.

"We're in the livin' room, not the hall."

Tifa turned back to him. "Why are you so determined to keep him secret?" She asked, back to looking cheerful (though it was strained). "Afraid me and Marlene will scare him off?" She asked playfully, but did as Cloud asked and walked back into the living room all the same. She sat down beside Marlene with her hands on her knees.

Cloud sat opposite of them and to the side on a large, comfortable looking chair with a few tears on the seam. The blonde leaned forward with his frown still frozen in place so that his elbows sat on his thighs. 

"... You know I have a visitor, so you can't stay this time. He's sick, and that's all you're gettin' out of me."

Tifa huffed, but knew when Cloud had that stubborn clench to his jaw and said he wasn't sharing--he wasn't sharing. "... Can we at least know if he's contagious?"

"No, he's not."

_At least Marlene won't get sick, then._

"But he could have been. You need to contact me first, Tifa--this constant visitin' without lettin' me know first has got to stop."

"Sorry," Tifa winced as she was stabbed in the gut by guilty, "but like I said... you never answer your phone. You never call or text--"

"Doesn't matter. You know I'll contact you for work, and you know I'll call or somethin' if there's an emergency. I like my privacy."

Tifa pinched her lips and brows together. "So, what, we're just here for your back-up?"

Marlene looked between them as panic clearly began to set in on her small face, so Tifa was quick to pat her head. It didn't seem to help.

"No, you're not," Cloud didn't snap, but the roll of his eyes spoke volumes about how irritated he was. "I've only been here for three months! I'm allowed to my privacy."

"Of course, you ar--"

"Am I? 'Cause you're actin' like only you get to decide that."

Tifa shut her mouth and looked away. "... I just... get worried. I'm sorry."

"I appreciate that, but you gotta let people figure themselves out sometimes. I need time alone, all right?"

Tifa gave a long sigh and nodded.

"If there's a problem, a real one, you can always call or text. I'll come if it's an emergency--I don't just expect it from you."

Tifa nodded again and blew a piece of hair from her face.

"..." Cloud looked to Marlene, and immediately his expression softened. "You, too, okay? Just because I like to be alone for long periods doesn't mean you can't still call if you need me."

Marlene nodded.

"Now, I gotta ask you to go. I just woke up when you got here and I had plans."

"Plans?"

"Plans that are _none of your business_ , Tifa."

"... Sorry."

Marlene hopped off the couch to hug Cloud tight around the waist as the blonde stood up. "Can't we stay just a little while? Denzel misses you, too, but he won't admit it..."

Cloud dropped to his knees to return the gesture. "I'm sorry... I'll be by soon, I promise--just not today."

He led both ladies over to the door and unlocked it for them, before holding it open to let them out. 

"I never know when I'll see you again," Marlene complained as she put her shoes back on and slumped on her way out.

"...Soon, tiny Barret spawn. Soon."

Marlene nodded, but didn't look any happier. 

Tifa put her shoes back on and waved goodbye quietly as she took Marlene's hand. They stood just outside to regard Cloud one last time with equally sad expressions.

"Will you really call or visit? We worry about you." She said it at least a dozen times a visit, though now she felt selfish saying it. It wasn't to be helped, though. "I'm really sorry that it seems like all I want to do is invade your privacy, but sometimes it feels like if we don't try hard enough you'll just disappear on us." _You did before, after all... Twice._

"I'm back to stay this time, Tifa. We are literally a walk away now. I'm not leaving Midgar on a sudden whim--I promised already," Cloud said as he gripped the door. "I'm healthy, I'm tryin' to steady myself, and I'll even be workin' for you soon. You'll have more of me then you'll know what to do with, all right?"

Tifa nodded. It was all she felt she could do.

"Be safe," Cloud left them with that as he closed the door gently.

Tifa and Marlene looked to each other, and then silently made their way down the steps and back to Tifa's car. _... I guess I have been too pushy... He's right. I just need to be patient. At this rate he'll never want to move in unless I give him the space he wants. And one day when he does, once he's ready to settle down, we can look back on this and laugh._ Tifa smiled to herself. "Hey, Marlene?"

"... Yes?" Marlene still looked like a kicked puppy.

"Let's do something fun on the way home. How does ice cream sound?"

"Ice cream! Yes!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Tifa might be just a _little_ delusional.
> 
> The next chapter is long. I originally was going to have it be part of this chapter, but I was like "Nope. Next chapter."


	3. The Clean Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been gone a while. It's been almost non-stop doctor appointments for weeks, and then I got sick with the flu (not Corona, thank goodness), and then drama upon drama happened...
> 
> 2020 so far has not been a good year. Blegh.

"You do realize she'll be back more often now, yes? It might have been easier to let them bother me."

Cloud stopped short on his way to the kitchen as he heard Leon's now familiar, deep tones. The brunette was leaning against the wall for balance as his legs shook like a deer's beneath him, his breathing clearly labored--totally nude beyond his bandages. He had seen the man naked several times in the past week or so he had him living there, but it was still nice to see. The brunette was almost skeletal he was so thin, but he had muscle definition and despite his condition was still attractive.

_Down, boy... He's an injured, homeless man you found in an alley. Don't get creepy here._

The blonde sighed as he bypassed the entrance to the kitchen to intercept the injured brunette. "You shouldn't be walkin' on that leg yet."

Leon leaned back against the wall (his head made a light "thunk!") and stared down the two (maybe four? Leon was too weak to stand straight) inches he had over Cloud down his nose. "... Do you hate them?"

"You need to get back in bed," Cloud replied instead as he wrapped an arm around Leon's waist and threw one of the brunette's shoulders around his neck for balance. He half-carried his guest back to the bedroom. Leon clearly hadn't wanted to go back, but he had also been too weak to resist. When they arrived, he laid back onto the bed with a frustrated sigh that was almost a growl through his nose. 

"I get ya wanna move, I do, but not until that leg is properly mended," the blonde shook out the rumpled sheet and laid it across Leon (it was a little too warm for the blanket) before he stood straight. "... Do you need anythin'?"

Leon shook his head. "I wish you'd throw me out. I'm stinking your bed up..."

"I need to get rid of that mattress anyway. It's old," Cloud shrugged. 

That answer didn't seem to satisfy the brunette, who stared up at Cloud with his one visible eye--looking as dead (as empty) as ever.

"... What is it?"

"I'm just an average block in the road... Why keep me?"

Cloud ran a hand through his hair as he sighed to buy himself a little time to think. "Because you needed help" was the real answer, but if someone had said something like that to him it would have been a blow to his pride. Instead, he shrugged as if the whole ordeal were nothing and said, "I looked at you... and knew there was somethin' different. Somethin' sadder. You reminded me of myself from a few years ago."

"..." Leon just stared at that. It was hard to tell what his reaction was, but at least he wasn't protesting his stay anymore.

Cloud rubbed at his temple and closed his eyes. He was already growing tired, though it was only midday--that wasn't good. "If you need me, just call... I'm going to make some coffee." He hated the stuff, but it was necessary.

"Stressed out?" Leon asked as he suddenly snaked his hand out to grasp Cloud's wrist, which he did gently. He pulled on his arm and moved to the side of the bed until there was room enough to include the blonde. Leon laid on his side and pat the mattress. "Lay down beside me... On your side so I can see your back."

Cloud blinked. It was a strange request, but Leon hardly ever asked for anything. He did as he was asked, though he was confused--and a little surprised he trusted Leon enough to show him his back, despite the circumstances. 

*****

Leon placed his hands over Cloud's shoulders and pressed his thumbs expertly into the stress points of the blonde's traps near the base of his neck. He slid both digits firmly along the cervical vertebrae into the base of Cloud's skull, which is where he began to turn his thumbs. The blonde made a grunting noise that didn't sound displeased, so he lowered his hands again until he could knead along the thoracic spine--down, down, down carefully to nearly the blonde's waist. When his hands rose back up, it was to press into a knot just barely hiding beneath Cloud's scapula, which popped with only a little pressure it was so ready to release.

Cloud accidentally loosed part of a moan, until he stifled it with an awkward cough.

"It's okay to let it out," Leon said as he pressed again. "Who would I tell?"

"... I just wanna be polite," Cloud murmured back, but on the next knot he hissed and groaned until it released at last, and his whole body went lax with relief.

"Don't bother. I haven't been yet, so why should you be?" Leon squeezed the nooks around Cloud's neck and behind, around, and under the planes and crevices of his shoulders in short, soothing circles until the blonde was practically putty in his hands. 

"Where... Where did you learn this...?" Cloud breathed.

"I..." Leon stopped suddenly as he considered the question. "I... don't know..." His hands grew limp and slipped away.

*****

Cloud closed his eyes as Leon went quiet once more. _... That's right. He has no clue who he even is..._ "Is there anythin' you do remember?"

The blonde moved to sit up so he could face Leon in time to see the brunette move to stare up toward the ceiling with a troubled look on his face. 

"Not a lot. Just... enough."

Cloud already missed Leon's hands on his back. He had never had a massage before, and he hadn't realized how tight his muscles were until someone was rubbing them. That wasn't what was key right now, though. "Yet, nothin' too hefty, right?"

"'Hefty'?"

"Important."

"Ah, well... Names aren't important. Leon isn't mine, yet it works anyway... And skills are just skills. If I can still use them even though I forgot them, then what does it matter?" Leon sighed, turning his head from Cloud. "..."

"A name determines who you really are," Cloud said. "The skills you show now are remnants of what made you, you." The blond got out of bed now that he was feeling refreshed, though hungry. There wasn't progress to be made with Leon at the moment, it seemed. "I'll be in the kitchen. Do you want a sandwich?"

Leon shook his head slowly. He hadn't eaten almost at all since Cloud took him in, so the refusal had the blonde frowning with worry.

"Chocolate milk?" Cloud offered again, hoping to convince the man to eat _something_.

*****

Leon shook his head again. He looked over at Cloud and could easily tell, though the blond's face never moved, that he was worried. He breathed a long sigh. "... Do you have any apples?"

Cloud nodded. "I do. Do you want me to slice one up for you?"

"If you have green ones."

Cloud nodded, and though it was hard to tell unless one paid a lot of attention it was clear to Leon the man was a relieved by that answer. "Just let me know if you need anything else, okay?" 

Leon watched the blonde walk out to presumably go to the kitchen. He turned his attention to his nails, for the first time in who knew how long, and noted that they were ragged, and so dry and hard they were cracked. He considered for a second if he should do something to take care of them, and in turn care for himself by starting out with small changes. He was also mildly worried he might scratch Cloud on accident or something if he didn't. Even though he had reason, the idea of caring for his nails was a strange concept for the brunette, and he wondered why he wanted to (the real reason why). _Is it Cloud? Do I... want to somehow prove Cloud's efforts aren't a waste?_ The brunette shook his head and dropped his hand. _That's just stupid... They're nails. Who cares?_

Cloud was back a moment later with a tray of sliced wedges and two glasses of water. Leon looked up, and after Cloud placed the tray down on the bedside table Leon took one of his wrists again. He kissed the blonde's knuckles, which for once weren't obscured by gloves, before letting him go. Cloud had nice hands, especially in comparison to Leon's. The brunette's weren't just messed up around his nails; he had several, dragging scars up and down his fingers and across the backs of his palms. The skin was rough, raised, and though he wasn't sure if the blonde could see it... stained.

*****

Cloud would never get used to that kind of affection, no matter how many times Leon would do it. The blonde frowned, but not from annoyance, as his cheeks and the place where Leon had kissed him burned pleasantly. 

To distract himself, Cloud held out the glass of water intended for Leon. "Here. You need to drink some."

*****

Leon nodded, and though it was a struggle he forced himself onto his elbows and carefully made his way upward until he could lean against the bed's headboard and pillows. Perhaps it should have stung his wounds, but the only thing he felt was exhaustion. He took the glass once he was ready and at least ingested a few swallows of it before he stopped and traded his glass for apple slices. His belly didn't feel empty enough, but he hadn't had anything since yesterday. He knew he needed something or he was going to die sooner rather than later, and though Leon himself was fine with that... he didn't want to think about how Cloud might react.

It was an odd sensation to be so concerned about someone else's feelings, when before he met the blonde he didn't have the capacity to care. It was even weirder to think the reason Cloud would be upset was over his death, when he didn't feel like he was worth that kind of thought.

*****

"Leon," Cloud began as he retook a seat on the edge of the bed and sipped at his own glass, "how would you like to take a bath today? A real one, not a sponge-bath. I mean, wiping you off and oils can only do so much." Cloud noted that Leon still looked so filthy, even though he had gotten rid of the worst parts of the dirt that had clung to him. It was hard to tell if Leon was really a brunette or that was just grunge, even. 

The taller man looked up uncertainly at first, but then seemed to shrug. "Your house. If that's what you want. Must be getting sick of the smell, yeah?"

"The smell isn't so bad," even though it kind of was. "Finish your lunch. I'll go set one up."

Cloud stood and left the room to do exactly as he said he would, but he didn't take the door out into the hall. Instead, he looped around the bed and took a side door that stood beside the walk-in closet. The master bathroom had been a rusted, half-caved room when he first moved in, but thanks to a little ingenuity, a lot of elbow grease, and help he had installed a new tub, fixed the faulty pipes, and made the bathroom like the rest of his apartment a brand new place (Barret was always good with tools, but who knew Vincent was so good at plumbing? Both had taken the time to assist him). 

Cloud sat on the edge of the claw-foot tub and got the water going.

*****

Leon watched the blonde as he left. The door to the bathroom was open, so he was able to watch as Cloud played with the faucets until he deemed the water temperature just right. Though he wasn't sure he could handle it, Leon ate every last piece of apple and even drank half his glass of water--just to make Cloud happy. Once that was done, he laid back with a silent groan. There still wasn't pain, but his stomach protested the abuse immediately.

The brunette turned to look at his host once more and could see steam rising from the tub. The blonde dug through a cabinet below the sink until he found... a basket? It looked like some sort of gift basket. He watched as Cloud shuffled through its contents until he found the bottle he wanted, and then he put the basket back and began to pour the bottle's contents into the tub. Seconds later Leon could smell the strong scent of rose and vanilla. Cloud turned without getting up just yet as he used his hand to disturb the waters and said, "Ready?"

Leon nodded, but waited until Cloud was nearly by the bed once more to force himself up. The blonde helped the moment he reached Leon by placing an arm around his waist and throwing Leon's elbow behind his head. He lifted Leon up with ease, just like he did in the hall, and helped him plant his feet onto the floor. Once they were able, the two men walked carefully to the tub.

"Your wounds have closed up pretty good," Cloud began conversationally as they made their approach. "You'll definitely have some scars, but otherwise you're good." Leon's stitches had been removed a couple of days ago; his fast healing Cloud attributed to the Mako in Leon's system. "Once you've had a good soak we can nearly call ya healthy..."

It was a bubble bath. Cloud had made him a bubble bath. He stared and wondered for a moment if he recalled ever having a bath of any sort before, rather than nothing or a shower.

When they began to lower him in, Leon was careful to keep the cast around his knee out of the water, so it remained elevated over the edge of the tub on a folded towel. Maybe it was because his leg was at such a weird angle, or maybe it was because Leon was still too weak, but the moment Cloud let go to let Leon sit on his own the brunette slipped all the way into the water until his head was covered. The water under the suds could just be seen turning a murky brown. 

*****

Cloud got down on his knees and quickly helped to set Leon to rights.

"You okay?" He asked, even as he noted how dizzy Leon looked. The brunette (and he was a brunette, after all) was covered in bubbles and looked as pathetic as a wet dog. It took a lot of strength for Cloud not to chuckle.

"L-Lost--" Leon coughed. "Lost my balance..."

"Sorry, that was on me. You're still not quite up for much, yet." Cloud checked over what he could, but other than nearly drowning the man seemed fine. There was a lot of dirt draining from his hair. "Just breathe."

Leon did as he was told and took several slow, deep breaths until he was finally done coughing. He blinked as muddied water began to get into his uninjured eye, which prompted Cloud to grab for a sponge; the same one he had been using on Leon remained by the tub from the last time he tried to clean him (it had been rinsed off). There was a bottle of soap, but he needed both hands at this point and one was keeping Leon supported. 

"Can you sit up on your own? I'm gonna need both hands to wash you off."

Leon nodded and adjusted himself until he could support his body up with his leg against the tub. He put his hands on the sides as well in case he fell again. With both of his hands available, Cloud soaped up the sponge and began with the leg Leon couldn't put in the water; he washed around the cast starting at his foot and working his way up. The muck began to clear up quickly, and underneath was revealed to be lightly tanned, olive shade skin. He moved onto his arms, the man's face, neck, chest, stomach, and eventually to his leg under the water, which he scrubbed as best he could while keeping it submerged. The water had turned nearly black.

"I'm gonna drain the tub real quick. Do your hair next. Can you wash yourself?" Cloud kept his eyes respectfully upward, even as he reached in to pull the plug. "Instead of fill the tub up again, I'm just gonna rinse you."

*****

Leon watched as the blonde worked and the months of disgust were washed away. His skin and muscles were easier to see, but so were the bones poking out around his hips, joints, and ribs. He eyed his own body as he nodded absently to Cloud's words and wondered where he had even gotten some of the scars that were now visible. Old fights, maybe? More random alley-way scuffles he couldn't recall? There were marks along his arms in particular that clearly came from some sort of blade--a big one. 

Leon's head bobbed backward; between the heat from the water still permeating his system and the sudden onslaught of sensation (as if his head were suddenly a balloon), he felt his vision collapsing just before the world went black.

*****

"... Thanks, Seph..."

Cloud jerked his eyes up from where he had been rinsing out the tub around Leon. _Seph?_ Leon murmured in what looked like a daze; the brunette's brows were scrunched together and he was breathing faster, and though his eyes were open they were unfocused--blank.

"Seph... what did you say... you wanted to be when you... grew up? I forgot..."

Cloud ran the sponge down Leon's leg again and over his hips, around to his back, and down his stomach. When the brunette continued to murmur what seemed like nonsense he peered into Leon's face; it seemed the brunette was on sort of psychic trip (or a mental break?), which quickly worried the blonde. He shook Leon gently and called, "Wake up!"

Leon jerked back into reality with a start, but he seemed to have lost the ability to keep his head up. His eyes threatened to fall away again, so Cloud knew it was time to get out of the tub--he was clean enough for now.

"Come on, it's time to get out and dry off."

"... What just happened?"

"You went somewhere, but no clue where that was."

"... My hair is still dirty."

"Can you stay awake long enough for me to clean it?"

"Just keep talking to me, I guess."

Cloud nodded. Leon's hair was the worst, so he conceded. "Wash your privates for me while I grab the shampoo," the blonde stated as he handed over the sponge. Leon nodded and did just that as Cloud turned around to gather the shampoo bottle from the shelf above.

*****

 _How long has it been since I last peed?_ Leon wondered as he noted his dick felt numb. There was an uncomfortable squirming in his lower stomach that said he definitely needed to, but knew he would be forced to wait until the bath was done. He finished quickly and set the sponge aside, just in time for Cloud to attack his head with lathered hands. Leon looked up to watch Cloud's face, which seemed so serene as he worked on the brunette's scalp (and occasionally grossed out each time the blonde found a dead insect). He chuckled to himself and mentally noted Cloud definitely seemed like the type who enjoyed taking care of others, which might be part of the real reason why he took Leon in.

The brunette turned his gaze back down to his body. He hadn't cared even an hour ago what state he was in, but now that he had seen what he had done slip down the drain--could see the result of his own neglect left behind, he felt ashamed. 

_... No need to be, though. It's not like I didn't deserve it..._ "Bastards like me... don't deserve good things..." He murmured quietly without realizing he had spoken outloud.

"Why do you say that?" Cloud asked, but kept his attention on Leon's hair; he seemed determined to get all the tangles out. 

"..." Leon chose not to respond that time. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of the blonde's fingers rubbing at his neck and head, which felt impossibly good.

After another short time, Cloud pulled away to turn the faucet on again. Leon didn't expect it, though he supposed he should have, when a wave of water sudden fell on top of his head and left him sputtering in surprise. He was definitely awake now, at least.

*****

"Sorry," Cloud muttered as he continued to rinse Leon. "But in good news you've definitely improved. Let's keep you like that, yeah?"

Cloud made sure that everything had been swept away and down the drain before he stood. His jeans were wet from all the water, along with a majority of the tiled floor.

"Let me get a towel. I don't want you slippin'." Cloud announced needlessly as he moved to the cabinet and grabbed a few; two he dropped to the floor to soak up the water, one he put over his own shoulder, and one he dropped onto Leon's head. The brunette made a noise like a muffled puppy's bark at suddenly having his hair "assaulted", which was so shockingly cute Cloud definitely smiled and nearly cooed. He dropped the expression before he moved the towel away and wrapped it around Leon's shoulders instead. 

"Your bandages will need to be changed," which was also needless for him to say, but he was still concerned about Leon falling away from him again; if he fell too far he might succumb to a break-down of some sort, which could be dangerous for them both. However, as Leon glared up at him he thought for certain that wasn't about to be the case any longer. The blonde leaned over the edge of the tub to help Leon stand up again, who was shaking as if he were cold.

"You all right?"

"Just not... used to w-water, I guess..." 

Cloud hoped that was it, and not something else. He moved to half-carry him back to the bed, but instructed Leon only to sit as he wasn't going to be left on the bed this time. 

"I'm going to go ahead and throw this mattress out since you're clean now," Cloud explained when Leon quirked a brow of question. The towel Cloud had put aside on his shoulder he threw into Leon's lap. "Dry yourself off as much as you can. I'm gonna grab the hamper from the bathroom so I can undress the bed before I toss it later."

Leon nodded and began to dry his legs first.

Cloud didn't just get the hamper: he pulled some clothes out for Leon to wear and grabbed another towel, since the first one was already near to soaking and the brunette's hair was still dripping. "I don't own a hair dryer or else this might be easier." Cloud tossed the clothes over his bedside table and again covered the brunette's head to scrub his hair dry. "Do you feel any better?"

"Yeah, but I need to pee..."

"Got it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Update List:
> 
> There isn't one anymore. Sorry! I still plan to update everything, and quite a few have chapters almost ready (including stuff I'm still transferring over), but my inspiration and motivation has gone haywire. I'm basically in survival mode right now...
> 
> Stay safe and healthy out there!!


	4. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sephiroth is going to be indicated as being "slightly" OOC in this. 
> 
> Warning: Mild self-harm and mentions of self-harm.

The bed being a complete mess (and the mattress desperately needing replacement now) meant the two would have to settle up front on the couch for the rest of the night. Cloud helped Leon stand and walk now that his bladder was empty and his clothes were on, which was when Leon turned his head to kiss the blonde's temple. "Only because your hands have been tied."

Cloud's eyes widened as his cheeks burned, before he looked away and began the trek to the front. 

"Why do you... do that?" He decided to ask as they shuffled toward the living room.

"I have nothing else to give," Leon said simply. He turned to look at Cloud, who was only a few inches away (Leon was slumping). "You can ask more questions, too, I guess... Won't know half of them, probably."

Cloud carefully lowered the brunette to the couch and moved to lay him down. The blonde chose to sit on the floor with his back leaning into the seat rather than take up space on the couch. "... Okay. Why are you so... I don't know, down? Border-line suicidal?" Cloud sighed and shook his head. "You don't seem to care what happens to you..."

*****

"Hm," Leon took his time considering the question. He took a long breath and stared firmly at the ceiling. "I'm a very bad man, Cloud." Leon spoke as seriously as he could. "I've done things that should only be left in nightmares..." He couldn't stop the way sadness tinted his voice as he spoke, and yet he chuckled as if it were nothing. "So, one day... I started walking. And I never stopped."

"What did you do?"

Leon snorted. "Guess."

*****

Cloud chuckled grimly. _Seems we have the same dark humor..._ "Whatever it is, I still say there's no need to punish yourself."

"I once found a man in his coffin, recently deceased, and had my way with him just because I hated that he looked so peaceful. After, I set a village on fire and laughed." Leon huffed. "I stabbed a woman as she was praying in front of her sweetheart. I've killed men, women, and children alike... I sometimes would slice their tendons so they had no choice but to bleed to death slowly instead of killing them." 

Cloud turned his head to stare at Leon with a quirked brow. 

"It feels so much like I was just an outsider looking in, but I saw me slicing them. I saw me impale, rape, and heard me laugh and taunt through it all..."

"... But it didn't seem like you?"

"No..."

 _... Sounds like... when I was infused with Zack's memories. He might've actually done those things, but he also looks like he wants to cry..._ "Sounds like someone I knew," Cloud began carefully. _If I bring up Sephiroth too soon it could break him mentally if my hunch is right, but... sounds like a weird conversation I had with Vincent once._ "I've done some pretty reprehensible things, too. When I was part of Shinra." Cloud smirked. "Though, you beat me to the punch with the corpse thing."

Leon rolled his eyes, but his lips quirked a little.

"I once burned down an orphanage," Leon murmured. "The kids were just being kids and making faces..." His brows knitted together. "And something about throwing a man from a building over sixty floors because he cooked my steak wrong..? I'm a little fuzzy on that one."

 _Deeeefinitely sounds like Sephiroth,_ Cloud shook his head as he thought with a big 'Oh boy' mentality. "I can't and won't judge you for shit."

Leon slowly turned his head and with that same dead stare looked Cloud directly in the eye. "... Are you saying that... because I remind you of you still? Or because you're such a staunch believer in second chances?"

"A little of both." Cloud leaned his head back so it rested against Leon's arm. "I'm willin' to bet you aren't as evil as you think you are..." _I wonder... If he knows Sephiroth then I should try to find out when. Some of that sounded like Nibelheim and... and Aerith. He wasn't around for any of that, was he? So, how did he get those memories? I was in the same dunk tank as Zack, so I know why I got his and mine all messed up._

Leon shook his head and made a frustrated noise. "Stop being so nice to me..." He looked off to the wall. "You've given me no reason to dislike you other than that. You should have left me in that alley..." Leon sounded almost desperate, defeated. 

"... Do you wanna dislike me?" Cloud tried to keep his tone even, but he felt instant anxiety for the answer.

"That's not what I said," Leon huffed again. "I... I don't know what I'm saying... Your being nice to me just makes me feel worse. You're wasting yourself on me; wasting your time and energy by going out of your way for me..." He chuckled. "You did understand when I said I raped a corpse, yes?"

"I'm sure the dead body enjoyed it as much as you did," Cloud joked back, despite how in poor taste it was. They both laughed a little, which confirmed again they were both a little sick inside. "It's my life. I decide what I do with it, and I decide if I'm wastin' my time with it. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not." Cloud tilted his head toward Leon again. "You're alive and content, aren't you?"

"I'm not supposed to be," Leon murmured as he turned away. "I might get attached if you don't get rid of me. Won't you dislike that?"

Cloud went silent and thought it over. He hadn't considered what he (what they) might do after Leon was healed. _Do I want him to stay? I don't know... Maybe._ He bit his lip as he considered it. "... Might not be so bad."

"Yes, it would be. You know it would..." Leon sighed. "You don't like too much attachment, do you? Like that woman... and the kid..." The way Leon's voice trailed off had Cloud's instincts on alert. He jerked around just as Leon's eyes began to darken, and the man stared at his scarred hands. Cloud gasped and grabbed for Leon's wrists to force his hands apart as the brunette began to violently rip at the skin with his nails.

"Leon, stop! What are you doin'?!" _That explains all those little scars, fuck!_

Leon jerked his hands back and turned himself away to curl in on himself as much as he could with a growl. "I don't want that kid anywhere near me!" Leon slammed his head into the thankfully soft cushions. "I remember... a little brat with her fucking teddy bear..." Leon's breathing was ragged and harsh. "Begging me, crying... I watched her burn in that place..."

Cloud didn't even think twice about pulling Leon into his arms and hugging him tight. He wasn't sure what to say, so he stayed quiet. Leon shook, twitched, and gasped for breath as he struggled with the memory.

"I don't get it..." Leon spoke as if it were painful, like his throat was constricting. "I don't understand... I don't understand..."

Cloud rocked him and murmured softly, "I'm here, just breathe... We can talk through it if you want."

"I don't understand... why would I let it happen? It doesn't... It doesn't seem like me," Leon grasped his own head and hissed in pain. It was all so achingly familiar, but it was the first time Cloud was a witness rather than the one it was happening to. "I don't remember how half of it started or ended..."

*****

Leon reveled in Cloud's security and warmth. His body refused to stop tensing for a long, long time, but Cloud was patient. The blonde rocked him like a child and whispered comforting nonsense. Leon loosed his arms first in order to run his newly damaged hands through soft, blonde hair with a sniff. Cloud's skin was soft and he smelled sweet, like cinnamon and chocolate. "I just want to peel my skin off sometimes..." He murmured so quietly he almost couldn't hear himself.

"I think most of us feel that way sometimes, and those of us who have been through more even more often, but..." Cloud closed his eyes and bumped their foreheads together. "Don't. Don't do that anymore."

"Do what? ... Peel?"

"Yes," Cloud cupped the back of Leon's neck with one hand as the other stayed firmly around the brunette's shoulders. They stayed that way, simply petting each other, for several long minutes.

Eventually, they began to pull away. Leon moved to sit up carefully. "... Well, your house. Your rules."

Cloud scoffed and shook his head, and the look of absolute disbelief was more than a little endearing. Leon slid a hand beneath Cloud's chin and forced him to look up gently. Leon smirked. "Aren't you a caring, yet insensitive joker?"

"Eh?" Cloud laughed. "I'm a social disaster, and so are you from what I can tell."

"No clue what you mean. I'm a delight at parties."

Cloud playfully pushed Leon's hand away.

*****

Their faces were still rather close, though, and Leon kissed his forehead suddenly--his way of thanking Cloud. Leon quirked a brow of question that seemed almost like a challenge to the blonde when he leaned only slightly back, enough to look at Cloud again. So many kisses given... Cloud leaned forward and pressed their lips together in a soft, chaste kiss.

It felt like being a child. They simply stayed in place without moving (lips pressed, eyes open and staring, soft breaths) until a twitch of Leon's weakened body pulled them apart.

Leon licked his lips and was just a touch pink. Cloud thought for certain his whole head was on fire. 

"I, um..." Cloud began with a clearing of his throat.

Leon gave a crooked smile. "You just kissed a man whose first kiss came from a dead guy."

Cloud snorted. "... My life is never borin', at least?"

Leon looked down to the floor with that smile still place. He looked a lot more peaceful than he had his whole visitation. 

*****

"Just... let me use mouthwash or something before it happens again," Leon coughed. "Haven't brushed my teeth in months, at least..."

Leon didn't feel like he deserved to be with anyone, especially a man like Cloud. _But... Cloud deserves to be happy, even if I don't. If I can make him happy... maybe it's okay? Is it too soon to be thinking that way?_ "If I lay back down, would you join me? I can rub your back again."

"I don't need a massage," but Cloud still moved onto the couch as Leon laid back. There wasn't much room, so the blonde was forced to move on top of Leon. He used his elbows to hold most of his weight. "... Am I too heavy?"

"No... feels good," Leon said as he pulled Cloud the rest of the way down. He kissed the edge of Cloud's mouth as they moved about to settle. 

Once they had, "I don't... you know... dislike attachment," Cloud said as he played with a bit of Leon's shirt.

"You're left feeling obligated to care for them rather than just caring about them, right?" Leon asked in reference to Tifa and Marlene. "I see how you grimace when you get a call. If you don't dislike it, what is it, then? What keeps you from them? Is it really just a desire for privacy?"

"..." Cloud nuzzled into Leon's shoulder. "I can't get too close to them."

"... Why?" Not that it was Leon's business, but he couldn't stop the question in time.

"If I do, I'll leave this apartment, my mentalities... and move in with her." He wrinkled his nose. "Eventually, I'd end up marrying her... I'd have the life I've been wanting ever since I was a child."

Leon laughed gently. "Sounds like a decent life... Why not live it?"

"She never noticed me until I declared I would be a hero. When we were kids. She's always been such a romantic, she took it to heart and even had me promise her I would protect her in a time of need." Cloud hung his arm over Leon's waist. "We weren't friends for years until that. She never really thought twice about me other than I was the town black sheep... Then, we grew up. I became a real hero. She saw me as her knight. The hero and the girl in all the storybooks we grew up on in our tiny, rural town... The hero and the girl always end up together in the end."

*****

"But I don't want that life. I don't want everythin' to be laid out before me somehow like some fucked up fate that was never supposed to be mine anyway..." Cloud knew he probably wasn't making sense, but Leon didn't say anything. "I was denied that life over and over... be damned if I take it now just because I'm somehow supposed to. Because others think I should."

"... Well, what kind of life do you want now?"

Cloud went quiet and still. That was a damned good question. 

Leon chuckled. "Never thought about it, huh?"

"No... Just been livin'." Cloud relaxed as he considered his options. "Wouldn't mind a family, still... I'm a bit fucked up for it, though."

"Maybe find a new partner?" Leon shrugged. "None of my business, though... You're still young. Take your time to decide, or don't. That can be a life, too."

"...Tifa promises to take care of me..." Cloud said suddenly. "She promises that my life's meanin' will be realized..." He looked up at Leon. "That isn't what I want. I want to take care of someone and protect them... I don't want to be sheltered."

"Well, that explains a few things..." Leon said playfully as he adjusted himself by shuffling around on the couch until his shirt wasn't bundled under him anymore. "Life's meaning... I think you know what it is already."

"That I've served my purpose in this world," Cloud said. "I saved it... twice..."

*****

Leon laughed again. "I didn't mean that, but I certainly didn't know you had..." _...Or did I?_ He looked down at Cloud curiously a moment, but only drew a blank. "I meant... Everyone's meaning comes from one thing and one thing only. It's brought down to a simple question that anyone has the ability to answer, with just a little thought."

"A meaning for myself, you mean?"

"Just an answer to one question... If there was one thing in your personal universe that you could never live without, the one thing that without it you are never complete--never satisfied, never happy without... What would it be? A goal, a person, a job, a pet, an item... a dream?" Leon looked off to the side slowly. "If you can answer that, and then keep whatever it is with you, then you have everything you need."

*****

Cloud nodded slowly, feeling Leon's t-shirt wrinkle beneath his cheek. "That makes sense..." Thinking of it that way, he knew it wasn't Tifa. Maybe that was why he could push her away so easily? He loved her; just not in that way, and never in that way again.

Leon gave a small sniff and closed his eyes. His body grew limp as he began to fall asleep.

Cloud didn't say much else, though he did give Leon's chin a shy kiss. It wasn't long until he fell asleep as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be erratic.


End file.
